Lucky son of a bitch!

I want to be lucky, really lucky actually.  The truth is I'm the unluckiest person alive.  I never, ever win anything.  With that being said I'm playing to win the Powerball and MegaMillions twice a week.  A wise person once said "you can't win unless you play."  Thanks mom, you're the best.  The thing about trying to be lucky with me is that I take it to an extreme, I second guess what I'm doing, which gas station I've been getting my tickets at.  I think to myself "maybe I should switch this time and go to a different gas station, what if the winning ticket is at the gas station I'm passing right now?!" Then the more reasonable Tiffany says, "no, no, no, it's like a slot machine, just stick with the one you're at, you get up and leave and that's when someone swoops in and cashes in on all your hard work and money. You bitch!"  So today I drive by the different gas station and head to the good ole trusty one I've been getting my tickets at.  I usually do the quick pick but I think from now on I'm going to pick my numbers myself and just stick with them, that's how you win it people.  The very first time I picked up a ticket a few weeks ago I matched 2 numbers! 2 whole numbers! It's only $3, but I had the powerplay so it ended up being $12!  Don't slow me down!  I took my ticket, so excitedly took it to the cashier and said "I think I won a few dollars on this one," a line of people behind me.  She scanned the ticket and in not so nice, loud voice screams at me "Not a winner!"  Oh, oh my, well that's not what I thought I was going to hear...   So I'm in it to win it people.  My friend from NYC, Coney Island actually..barf,  Jason and I were talking and he asked if I'd found a job yet.  I very matter of fact said "Oh yeah, I got a job, I'm playing powerball and megamillions."  He laughed pretty hard about that one but in the end he supports me, just hope that puerto rican doesn't expect any of it when I win.

Come on big money!